lots of thoughts crossed my mind just now. one of which was, if i really tried for med school, the reason would be to forget. to re-enter the world of striving, of empowerment through achievement. the simplicity of this world, narrow though it was before, is alluring. the world that let me survive, alone, through my secondary and jc years. i had goals. i had important things to achieve, important dreams to chase. i had things to worry about that stayed constant, and in that way, remained manageable. when dreams were merely grades, career, or wealth. when dreams did not have a mind of their own, or betray, or hurt.