Thoughts.

Yesterday, I met up with D whom I haven't seen since sept last year. I found out that she was working longer hours than me for lesser pay, even though I previously imagined she would be in some high-powered, high paying job (just because her dad was). Anyway, we chatted for hours, and it was interesting to learn about her relationship. It seems she tolerates a lot from the boyfriend, and it seems, she's in a relationship that is very similar to my previous 'relationship' with R. guy. The difference is that I was much less tolerant and patient, and much more insecure and proud. It seems that he's the type of guy who likes to 'have fun' outside of the relationship, whom girls fall easily for, flirt with, party a lot with etc...non-committal, afraid to be tied down or held accountable to...
Ok, so he is 27 and has already started 3 companies. He is probably good-looking, and definitely capable. But if a guy does not hold you dearly in his heart, I do not see the point of holding on to the guy. But I can also see that she's blind to this just as I would be in her shoes.

I doubt my ability to love someone fully. Every person I have claimed to love- there is something about them that I do not love. If I can't love the good with the bad, then what is this so-called love worth? Maybe it is still valuable because it is the best I can give, and we can only expect the best from another, right? Or, maybe it is just not worth receiving because of its incompleteness and thus insincerity.