DBS is now at 8.27 i think. If only I had sold both at 8.88. Is it always like that in shares, always if only? But this is the least of my worries. I have so much to worry about now. I feel heavy with worry, like with every step I sink an inch deeper into the earth. Like there is a stronger gravity pulling me downwards than everything else around. Like a physical ache again.
oh god i need to be peaceful. i need to feel peace emanating from inside of me. i need everything to settle down once again so i can feel blissfully bored with life. oh god, i want to escape!
but it is no use. i can't escape because by that very act i will create more heaviness. I want to reach out to the people I pushed away but it has been so long. i want to know clearly in my heart who i love and who i don't but it has been so foggy. how can such simple things be so difficult? why are the lines so blurry? why am i not able to throw away the useless past? Why am I unable to humble myself? Why am I unable to free myself?
every time i think i've grown, there will be two other times to show me how far away I still am from being who I thought I had become.
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